Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The power of my boobs compel you
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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