just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
