what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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