Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
