garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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