Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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