I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The air was thick with penises
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
