my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
