I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize