....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
