If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
