On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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