Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
