you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize