I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
