She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Randomize
