Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
