That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
