Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
