The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Me. At least after what I've been through.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
