I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
