There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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