after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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