like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
