i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
