Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
