apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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