WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
