pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
