girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
