you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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