FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He felt like a one man threesome
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
