I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
