dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
