Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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