I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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