I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
