i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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