So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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