There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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