If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize