when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
