Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize