And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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