He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
