sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
