I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
