We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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