Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You're my little dorito
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
