Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize