I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
