but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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