Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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