Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
