My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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