Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize