she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
