there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
