I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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