I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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