our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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