just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
