You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
