this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
