i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
