Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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