Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
