I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
