just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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