Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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