You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
