come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
