I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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