I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize