Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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