you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
