I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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