I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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