We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize