All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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