I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
