Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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