nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
