I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
