i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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