Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
