It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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