Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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