Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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