What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
