Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
