I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
