I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
