Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
