"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
