I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
