Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
