it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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