I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
