Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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