I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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