Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
