I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
