She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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